All of us, from everywhere, sound hilarious when we try to learn a foreign language. It would seem that we from the US, at our worst, are the most hilarious*, but I promise you can find something funny about the way everyone speaks.
What’s interesting, though, is how each of us sounds hilarious. Over the course of my 4 German courses to date, our teachers have corrected the way we speak about 1 million times each. Especially Valentin, though because he’s a boss. I really wish I could get a picture of Valentin looking especially teacherly (a bit hunched in his seat, hands clasped in front of his face, looking at a student sideways through squinted eyes, on the edge of his seat, waiting to see if the student’s answer is correct). But, I can’t take don’t-worry-about-me-bro-I’m-just-texting-someone photos with my dedicated digital camera.
Anyway, I’m noticing patterns among Valentin’s and other teachers’ corrections, specifically when it comes to pronunciation. Since Monday’s the greatest day of the week, here are some smile-worthy observations.
Different Nationalities and their Problems with German Pronunciation
- American: Yeah, I’ll do us, first. Our major problem (this one actually comes straight from Valentin) is how we pronounce “u” and “ü.” He rags on me for this maybe 100 million times per class, assuring me that “yes, you all [Americans] have problems with that.” “U” sounds like “oo” in America-speak, while we don’t have a “ü” sound. You have to move your bottom jaw forward, pull your tongue back and purse your lips when you say it. If mouths had professions, Germany’s would be a circus acrobat.
- Spanish/Latin American: They add syllables to the beginnings of words–especially the ones that begin with “S.” They also add a syllable before an “s,” when the “s” follows another hard consonant. “Strasse” becomes “eh-strasse,” for example.
- Italian: They add syllables to the ends of words that end in consonant sounds. “Mein,” becomes “Mein-eh,” for example. This one gets funny, because many German feminine words end in the “-eh” sound, so the teacher often corrects their grammar instead of their pronunciation. Then, the student corrects the teacher’s correction.
- Japanese: They just add syllables. A Japanese girl in my last class told me that it may be because Japanese words usually have the speaker bouncing from consonant to vowel very smoothly, while German tends to connect many syllables with back-to-back consonant sounds. Think of the name “Hideki.” Every vowel sound touches a consonant sound, and vice versa. Now, think of “Krankenwagen.” Going from “n” to “k,” and from “n” to “w,” might be uncomfortable for a Japanese native at first. They would say something close to “Kran-o-ken-o-wagen.” Of all the wrong ways to pronounce a language’s words, they definitely have the coolest.
- Slavic/Uralic Languages: So far, I’ve been classmates with Bulgarians, Russians, Ukrainians, Lithuanians, Croatians, Belorussians, and Hungarians, so they’re the groups from whom I’m getting this pattern. Especially in two-syllable nouns, they accent the second syllable, while Germans often accent the first one. Germans say “BAHN-hof,” while a member of this group really wants to say “bahn-HOF.” Valentin rags on these of my classmates for this almost as often as he rags on me for “ü.”
And there you have it–those are the patterns that have come to light so far. I find this kind of thing is hilariously interesting (a single activity from the points of view of different nationalities), so I had to write about it. I hope you find this either hilarious or interesting, too.
If not: ohgodforgivemeryan@gmail.com.
* I’ve had this “people speak funny” conversation in real life with people from other countries. In each one, they bring up how funny Americans usually sound when they try to speak another language. When they explain what they mean, they always imitate us with “r”-heavy sentences. Come to think of it, we do have an unusual “r.” Everyone else seems to have either silent Rs, or super-mouth-backflip-roll Rs. So maybe that’s why we sound so funny.